Why we didn’t share

NO. NOT CURRENTLY PREGNANT!

But, in reference to this trigger surrounding pregnancy announcements and what they feel like following pregnancy and infant loss, I wanted to share this post that was actually written back in 2019. But, before I begin, this is not a “how to” post.

I wanted to simply share our perspective and reasoning why we didn’t share any pregnancy announcement, gender reveal, birth posts on social media when I was pregnant with Kyla. Because while it seems to be the trend to over share literally everything, there may be another avenue that you haven’t thought of.

So, anyone who has followed along for any length of time is aware of our history and by the time we were pregnant with Kyla, not only had we personally lost Brady, Levi and had one miscarriage after our first IVF transfer. But, even in our immediate circle of friends and family, there was a considerable amount of pregnancy, infant loss and infertility happening. So, it was our own experience as well as witnessing other similar experiences that kept us from posting anything publicly.

For anyone who has struggled with any of these issues, announcements relating to anything about childbirth and babies is a trigger. It just is. There is nothing that can be done about that and there is no telling when or if it will subside. And, having seen many myself, I knew how it felt.

So, the first reason we decided to hold off on any public post was because I never want to be the reason someone else feels triggered. I only want my amazing news to be met with excitement and joy. This is the same reason why I appreciate when anyone gave me a heads up on their own exciting news. Because any negative reaction (which had nothing to do with them and everything to do with me) I wanted to be able to reserve for myself and present exclusively joy in front of them. And, having been the one who was, and frankly still is sometimes triggered by these announcements, I knew if I posted it, not only could I potentially be triggering anyone else but, I would feel both shame and joy knowing I could be hurting someone.

The other thing is that, with any pregnancy after loss, whatever the loss may be, you’re met with a pretty significant amount of anxiety. And, as someone who tends to process first and share later, the thought of sharing too soon (ie. before the baby was born and confirmed she was healthy) was extremely nerve wracking. I couldn’t wrap my head around sharing and something going wrong and then having to share again. I get the same anxiety when someone else shares. According to my doctor, this is a form of PTSD and worry that will likely shake over time but, will be something that needs to be managed long-term.

Again, I’ll say it again, this is not to shame anyone who decides to share publicly or not give anyone a heads up ahead of time. Rather a perspective from an angel mama to better understand what they may be feeling and why, if you do choose to share, you may not be met with warm and fuzzies right away. Trust that they love you and are happy for you, they’re just sad for themselves.

And just for fun, and for anyone who may want to take a trip down memory lane, some photos of my pregnancy with Kyla can be found HERE. If it’s a trigger for you, don’t click.