Triggers
Let’s talk a little bit about Triggers.
First of all, if you’re experiencing ANY triggers, even if it’s been years, it’s normal.
Triggers are associated with post-traumatic-stress disorder and can appear anytime, without warning and regardless of your mood. They can be simply anything from a song, a smell, a person, a memory, an event, an experience… I mean the list truly goes on and on and they are almost always misunderstood by those around you.
So, let this be a quick PSA to anyone who is trying to support someone or just knows someone who has been through something (or perhaps you actually don’t know what they have been through at all). A trigger is a physical reaction and truly has nothing to do with you and only to do with their experience. So, if you can’t support them through it, that’s okay and actually understandable. But, do not take it personally and for goodness sake, please don’t reprimand them for any reaction they have had. They’re dealing with enough.
Alright, back to my advice to those dealing with their own triggers.
I’ve had my fair share of trigger moments and some have happened at the most inopportune times resulting in hurt feelings (both myself and others, no matter how unintentional), awkward follow-up conversations and changes to relationships but, in the end there truly is no way to avoid them following a significant loss.
For a long time, any kind of pregnancy announcement was hard. Whether it be social media announcements or in person. Nowadays, the social media announcements I am better with but the in-person ones, especially if they’re truly shocking, I still sometimes have trouble with. Also, seeing children suffer / struggle through something and a parent helpless is a big one. For instance, if I get a request to donate to someone’s family, or draw attention to a particular story. , I obviously want to contribute but that will trigger a physical reaction as well. This reaction usually looks different though and less abrupt than say, with something in person and something I wasn’t expecting.
They are so hard to navigate because you don’t have any warning. So, here’s what I’ve learned to do as well as some tips from guests I’ve interviewed on the podcast.
Breathe and talk to yourself. If it’s not something that triggers anger then this works well for me. “This isn’t happening now. This is reminding me of my past. I made it through my past. I can do this”
If that’s not working, walk away. Or turn off the phone or close the go-fund-me page. Physically step away. Then repeat step 1.
Remind yourself it will end. The trigger and the reaction is temporary. The moment will end.
Do something that makes you happy. So, step 2, step 1 and step 3 and then once you start to calm a little bit, do something to distract yourself. Something that has the ability to complete your journey out of the triggered space and back to the present moment.
Just acknowledge they’re going to happen and speak to those in your circle during a calm moment to explain so that if this happens in their presence and/or if they are in fact the trigger, they know it isn’t really because of them.
Just like grief, they come and go but, you’ll likely be dealing with them in varying degrees for several years after any loss. You’re not alone.
